FCC, you ignorant slut

For the first time since he departed FM radio and went to Sirius, I made a point of listening to Howard Stern yesterday morning. And it was shocking.

Not because of the language he used, the profanity he employed or the excess of scatological humor. No, it was shocking for much the opposite reason: the show sounded, frankly, the same.

I've never been a frequent listener of Mr. Stern's, but as best I can remember his FM show, it really wasn't all that different. In the time I listened to Sirius yesterday, he didn't seem to push the envelope any further than he was a year ago. In fact, he didn't use a single one of the so-called “seven dirty words” by my unofficial count.

But, then again, I am beginning to wonder if even this maintenance of the status quo isn't pushing the envelope in a certain regard.

According to Broadcasting & Cable, a trade magazine, the Super Bowl pre-game, halftime and post-game shows will all be on taped delay:

Fox did not delay its broadcast of the game last year, however, telling CBS News at the time that it was treating the broadcast as a news event. The half-time performer was Paul McCartney.

CBS probably wishes it had delayed the game the year before that, however, when the Jackson reveal at halftime of the 2004 contest helped prompt the ensuing wide-scale tape delays of "live" programming (with an assist from the FCC's decision that Bono's f-word on the live Golden Globes awards telecast was indecent).

The delay gives monitors a chance to bleep audio or snip video that might offend viewers or legislators.

Now, busting out a nipple in the middle of a live sporting event certainly seems to be over the line. And having Bono drop the f-word isn't really any grayer of a topic. But what is troubling is that nudity and the “seven dirty words” aren't really the applicable definition anymore.

Consider George Carlin's legendary sketch:

There are some people that aren't into all the words. There are some people who would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven of them that you can't say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 to seven. They must really be bad. They'd have to be outrageous, to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you seven. Bad words. That's what they told us they were, remember? 'That's a bad word.' 'Awwww.' There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad Intentions.

And words, you know the seven don't you? ... Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that will infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war.

But the problem for Mr. Stern and ABC censors is that merely keeping a list of those seven words (and I will avoid using them here, though it is nice to know that I do have the freedom to print them should I so elect) on the wall, ready to be bleeped, really isn't going to do the trick. In this era, the sexualization of just about anything can draw the FCC's wrath.

Along with the rest of the Badger Herald editorial board, I host a weekly talk show on a college radio station. In jest, during our live broadcast last week, I referred to one of my colleagues as an “ignorant slut,” subtly paying tribute to Dan Akroyd and Jane Curtin's famed sketches on NBC in the 1970s.

I've been advised to not do so again.

When I used to offer film reviews on commercial radio, I was advised to avoid any sexualization. Sure, if the flick was about Viagra, I could use the word “penis,” but I better not go accusing anyone of having a “hard on” for someone else.

And then, for people like Mr. Stern and shows like the Super Bowl, there is of course the double standard. A discussion of lesbianism on the old FM talk show would surely test the FCC. Yet when Oprah Winfrey decided to host a seminar on salad tossing – and I don't mean the sort involving greens and dressing – it was just dandy.

The natural evolution of media has been toward more openness. Watch “Dragnet” from the 1960's. Then watch “Law & Order.” It's no coincidence that there's blood in one and not the other.

This is a healthy evolution for a country that adores freedom of speech and believes in the openness of expression. The government doesn't regulate films' ratings and admissions (the MPAA is a private trade group), nor should it.

But for the first time in the history of modern media, we may well be seeing a reversal of this sliding scale. What was once acceptable and tolerated – dirty FM radio, live television gaffes – is now grounds for fines and penalties. What Mr. Stern could once do on public airwaves is now really only okay on private satellites.

And at this rate of prudish regression, television may well become what Newton Minnow once errantly declared it to already be: a vast wasteland.